Must... Resist... Shitty New... Cascada.. Single...

Like a persistent, nettlesome sewer rat constantly gnawing at my mind, Cascada's derivative new jam "Evacuate The Dancefloor" has been creeping into my soul and forcing me to tolerate it. This week it causes La Roux to evacuate the #1 position on the U.K. chart, taking over Ol' Blighty and become the German dance act's first chart-topper there, and fifth overall Top 10 hit.

Here's the video for the Lady Gaga-copping tune, which was reviewed two weeks back by yours truly and a gaggle of other unruly music bloggers on Pop Trash Addict's Pop Panel:



Elsewhere, keeping up with last week's infiltration of old Michael Jackson songs, no less than 13 of them appear in the new Top 40—including "Man In The Mirror" (#2), "Billie Jean" (#10), "Thriller" (#12), "Smooth Criminal" (#13) and "Beat It" (#19).

On the album chart, five of the positions are owned by the Eeeeh-heeeeee!-squealing singer, and Number Ones is swapped out at the top for The Essential Michael Jackson.

On a final note, Florence And The Machine's "Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)" drops to #18 after initially peaking at #12. Florence seems highly-regarded amongst the music crowd, though as I wrote elsewhere about this broad, I can't help feeling that Tori Amos wants her pussy back.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Evacuate The Dancefloor" - Cascada *1 week*
2. "Man In The Mirror" - Michael Jackson
3. "Bulletproof" - La Roux
4. "When Love Takes Over" - David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland
5. "Paparazzi" - Lady Gaga
6. "Boom Boom Pow" - Black Eyed Peas
7. "Release Me" - Agnes
8. "Knock You Down" - Keri Hilson feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo
9. "Mama Do" - Pixie Lott
10. "Billie Jean" - Michael Jackson

Industry Debuted At #1 (Yayyy!)...And Then Dropped Out Of The Top 40 (Ouchie!)

I kept meaning to post that Irish pop act Industry debuted at #1 in their home country last week with debut single "My Baby's Waiting." However, glad I waited, as the interesting part is that this week the single falls from #1 to #44. Is that, like, even possible?

I'm still maintaining that these four won't find true success until the two laddies start going shirtless. Plus, shame on them for being in L.A. last week and not inviting D'luv along to grab a Guinness.

ALSO SEE:
* Chart Rigger Interview's Industry's Donal Skehan

Michael Jackson's Catalog Albums Outsell The Black Eyed Peas, Rob Thomas Still Perplexes

You can't go without acknowledging Michael Jackson's sales accomplishment this week. Though because of official rules—and unlike in the U.K.—it doesn't affect the main album chart (Billboard Top 200 Albums).

Instead, his Number Ones and Essential Michael Jackson compilations and Thriller studio album each sold over 100,000 copies to appear at #1, 2 and 3 positions on the Top Pop Catalog chart. A record has now been broken, as this marks the first time an album on that Top Pop Catalog list has outsold the #1 on the Top 200 Albums chart—in this case, Black Eyed Peas' The E.N.D., which had sales of 88,000.

To clear things up, the differentiation is that Billboard deems an album older than 18 months which has fallen below the #100 position on the Top 200 Albums chart is now scooted over to the Top Pop Catalog Albums. Comprende?

And, unless you're living in a tent in Siberia and weren't aware, this resurgance in the Jackson catalog is all because of the singer's death last Thursday.

Over on the Hot 100 Singles, Black Eyed Peas' swap singles in the #1 and #2 positions, with "I Gotta Feeling" now overtaking "Boom Boom Pow" as the top song in the country after the latter's 12-week reign.

Elsewhere, Pink's "Please Don't Leave Me" manages to lollygaga up two spots to #18, while Jordin Sparks lumbers up one to #31.

I also can't not mention Rob Thomas, who I've often been conflicted about as to whether he's actually hot or like one of those deceitful photos you stare at for a minute and it begins to shift in scope. His latest, "Her Diamonds," jumps up to #32, and becomes only his second Top 40 solo single in the U.S.—outside of that Santana one, "Smooth," which was #1 for, like, 2,640 weeks 10 years ago.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "I Gotta Feeling" - The Black Eyed Peas *1 week*
2. "Boom Boom Pow" - The Black Eyed Peas
3. "Best I Ever had" - Drake
4. "Knock You Down" - Keri Hilson feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo
5. "LoveGame" - Lady GaGa
6. "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)" - Pitbull
7. "Fire Burning" - Sean Kingston
8. "Birthday Sex" - Jeremih
9. "New Divide" - Linkin Park
10. "Waking Up In Vegas" - Katy Perry

Sally Shapiro's 'Miracle' Is Italo-Tastic

Dammit! I kept meaning to write about Sally Shapiro's upcoming second studio album, My Guilty Pleasure—mainly because the single EP for "Miracle" was added to iTunes two weeks ago.

Here's a clip of "Miracle":



That last instrumental minute is a total killer!

Of all the blonde Swede dames out there churning out music, Sally offers up properly authentic-sounding, detached Italo disco, thanks in no small part to her producer Johan Agebjörn. Her first album, Disco Romance, was totally my winter jam a couple years back.

I even slipped Johan and Sally's track "Spacer Woman From Mars" (not available on her first album, only as a single) into a promo video we did for one of the Instinct cover guys when I worked there.

Anyway, My Guilty Pleasure is apparently "a bit more poppy and varied" while "keeping the romantic feel of Disco Romance." Sexy!

I've got it sitting here. As soon as I get off my lazy butt I'll throw up a review. Well, not throw up, as in, like, throw up.

Mariah Carey's Man Drag = Big F.U. To Eminem

Well, in case you had any doubt that Mariah Carey's new single "Obsessed"—off her upcoming August 25 release Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel—was a diss aimed back at Eminem, check out her man garb on the set of the vid, which was being shot yesterday in New York.

Why doesn't this broad have an Oscar yet, again? Sigh. Eminem totally deserves it, and probably won't be able to take the stuff he usually dishes out being given back at him.

I mean, sure, he used to be the king of parodying modern day pop stars in his own videos, but no one cares anymore about that pasty sack of irrelevance anymore.

Besides, Mojo Nixon did this shit 20 years ago, with "Debbie Gibson Is Pregnant With My Two-Headed Love Child"! (Check out Winona Ryder in the video as Debz...and the diss on Rick Astley, as well!)

Michael Jackson Yanks The Rug Out From Under La Roux With Major U.K. Chart Feat

While La Roux snag the top single on the U.K. chart this weekend with "Bulletproof"—thereby besting the #2 peak of previous release "In For The Kill"—it's really Michael Jackson who dominates this week, both in news and in chart feats.

His 2003 collection Number Ones grabs the top spot on the Brit album chart, while 43 of his past singles have entered the Top 200 singles chart—20 of which are in the Top 75—following a resurgence of interest in Jacko's back catalog following his death on Thursday. The highest entry from him is "Man In The Mirror," in at #11. That one's also been the top download on U.S. iTunes since Friday.

Ironically, I remember picking up that Number Ones CD after a trip to London in late 2003, where it was on display everywhere you went.

The impressive part is that there were only two days left once Jackson died before the U.K. chart was tallied up, and yet over 300,000 of his singles and albums were snatched up in that time period.

Here's an article from Friday about Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble here in the U.S. selling out of all things MJ within 24 hours.

I also liked the ending of this other article, which sums up the legacy Michael Jackson will end up leaving behind, and puts it in terms of where he currently was as far as his relevancy was concerned when he died:

"A comeback seemed to be most unlikely. His reputation was considered irreparably damaged, his image mocked and his name an automatic punchline. But when he announced he'd be doing a series of comeback concerts at London's famed O2 Arena, not only did the initial dates sell out immediately, the demand was so insatiable he was signed on for an unprecedented 50 shows. He was expected to embark on a worldwide tour sometime after the concert series was completed in March.

"Of course, there will be no comeback now, no Jackson 5 reunion, no new music to share with millions of fans. But the legacy he leaves behind is so rich, so deep, that no scandal can torpedo it. The 'Thriller' may be gone, but the thrill will always remain."

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Bulletproof" - La Roux *1 week*
2. "When Love Takes Over'" - David Guetta/Kelly Rowland
3. "Boom Boom Pow" - Black Eyed Peas
4. "Paparazzi" - Lady Gaga
5. "Knock You Down" - Keri Hilson feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo
6. "Release Me" - Agnes
7. "Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh)" - Pixie Lott
8. "Red" - Daniel Merriweather
9. "Bonkers" - Dizzee Rascal
10. "Untouched" - The Veronicas

Thoughtful Commentary On Mariah Carey's 'Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel' Album Cover

I meant to comment on Mariah Carey's album cover art for Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel earlier this week, but the Michael Jackson news kind of sideswiped that. So let's get to it now!

First of all, given the title of this trash, you kind of expect serious Mariah on the cover. Mariah with a grey background, looking pensive, if you will. Mariah feeling contemplative over her imperfections as a sad-winged missionary for God.

No, instead it's giggle-squeal Mariah—three of them, in fact—in a skin-tight cotton dress with her ass hanging out. In fact, is that even a dress? Maybe a T-shirt, stretched down just far enough to cover Mimi's secret.

And with that third imperfect Mariah on the cover, her cans look like Scylla and Charybdis, ready to slam into any poor sailor who dares to enter The Butterfly.

See, there's nothing imperfect about this at all. This is Mariah as we like her—out of her mind and high on her own eccentricities. All that's missing is a champagne flute poking up from her cleavage.

Or maybe the spout from a box of Franzia jutting out the bottom of her dress. Chin chin!

UPDATE: Loving the similarities commenters are pointing out between the Memoirs cover and other album art—such as '80s pop ho Sabrina's "All Of Me" single and RuPaul's Christmas album Ho Ho Ho—out there.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson

Having a music blog, you feel sort of obligated to write about Michael Jackson's passing today. But truth is, I can't really add any more to what we're all going to hear over and over for weeks to come.

All I'll say is that I feel a little lost. I called my mom tonight and she told me about the first time she heard Michael on the radio—on the Jackson 5 single "I Want You Back"—40 years ago this fall, while driving to her freshman college classes.

She told me she was thinking, "Who's this little kid singing? I can't believe I like this—I'm a Beatles fan!"

In a lot of ways, for many folks—despite all the controversy—Jackson was and remained that kind of guilty pleasure.

Anyway, the following is from a column I wrote on Towleroad, back in February 2008. Truthfully, it's probably my favorite of the pieces I wrote there over the past two years:

"[Thiller's] centerpiece (and master stroke) is the one-two punch of 'Beat It' and 'Billie Jean'—two brilliant pop achievements that sound as cinematic today as Jackson probably initially imagined them and then brought to life with their videos. Half these emo boy bands should be grabbed by the scruff, sat down and scolded with Eddie Van Halen's guitar solo from 'Beat It' over and over again. Some of today's radio-friendly young poppets would also do well to toss out their cookie cutter ballads and use 'Human Nature' as a template, the complicated layers of which I'm realizing initially escaped me at age nine.

"Whether he grasped that it was going to happen or not, Michael Jackson caught lightning in a bottle with Thriller in the early '80s. In a time before the mountain of career-destroying weirdness consumed him, he stepped through the pop culture window opened by E.T. and Pac Man and sent millions of suburban kids off dreaming. While I wanna think, Never say never, it's pretty much safe to assume a mega-selling phenomenon like that record could never happen again."

Goodnight, Michael. I have many fond childhood memories from 1983 through '84, which Thriller soundtracked.

This Chart Sucks, So Here's The Jordin Sparks 'Battlefield' Album Cover

Jordin Sparks' "Battlefield" rebounds on this week's Billboard Hot 100 chart and jumps up from #46 to #31, one notch higher than the song initially debuted and peaked at back in May.

You know, last year when Jordin's first album was a-floppin' until the label released "No Air" as a single, I used to offer all kinds of creative suggestions for how she could get the record off the ground:

* Maybe If Jordin Sparks Did A Night-Vision Sex Tape Her Album Would Sell Better

* Maybe If Jordin Sparks Dropped Her Panties For TMZ.com Her Album Would Sell Better

Hmm. I thought there were more, but I must have been lazy on the Jordin career-saving front. Oh well, above is the cover for her upcoming sophomore album, also titled Battlefield. It's out July 28.

Oh, wait—there was also this one:

* Jordin Sparks Has Sex With A Tree

Class. Elsewhere on the Hot 100—like, way elsewhere, David Guetta and Kelly Rowland's "When Love Takes Over" debuts at #100. It's currently at #1 on the U.K. singles chart.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Boom Boom Pow" - The Black Eyed Peas *12 weeks*
2. "I Gotta Feeling" - The Black Eyed Peas
3. "Best I Ever had" - Drake
4. "Knock You Down" - Keri Hilson feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo
5. "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)" - Pitbull
6. "LoveGame" - Lady GaGa
7. "Fire Burning" - Sean Kingston
8. "Birthday Sex" - Jeremih
9. "Second Chance" - Shinedown
10. "Every Girl" - Young Money

When Did Shayne Ward Muscle Up And Shave His Head?

2005 X Factor winner Shayne Ward has always incited a twinge of lust in pop fans—D'luv included!

And while his third album has apparently now been pushed back from its original summer release date to December, thankfully Chart Rigger reader Ms. Tina sent along the below video she made of Shayne performing a cover of U2's "One" with Phebe Edwards in County Cork, Ireland, on Friday. Something to tide you over.

But, golly, when did Shayne beef up and completely shear off his usual buzzcut? He looks like a prison inmate.

Wait—Shayne Ward. Prison. No women around for miles. Naughty touch!